By lunaKM
As children we learn that there are bad words but the worst of them are four-letter words. We’ll hiss and point and swear to tattle on anyone you catch saying those four-letter words but still you might whisper it under your breath just to see what bad juju it might have. As a fat person, one word that gets pushed into our faces and shoved down our throats more often than those other words is also a four-letter word: diet.
For most people, the word diet doesn’t conjure up images of people spitting on them or taunting them with vulgarities, but for this fat person and for many that I’ve talked to the word diet, even when used with care can cut like a knife. It’s an accusation of weakness. It implies that I am incapable of self-control or that my eating habits have made me grotesque and so in your own way you are asking me to change for you.
You Suggest I Should Diet
Being fat and told you should diet, especially from someone you love or care for makes you feel undesirable and definitely not sexy. Sure our friends and family have our best interests at heart, but that cruel word can make us feel worse than those offending words we teach our children to avoid. In modern society that word has become negative and demeaning.
Sure, saying that I should consider a diet, or that I should try to lose a few pounds may not seem harmful to you. After all, you aren’t fat. When a fat person hears it it’s a different story. We hear that we aren’t acceptable as we are. We feel that we are being rejected as human beings. We feel ashamed and devalued. We can also feel insulted.
Non-verbal behavior is also a clear signal to a fat person that you think a diet is necessary. Consider if I went to a movie and bought a large popcorn and a soda on my way into the theater. The looks that follow me are usually along the lines of disgust, horror, shock. I know what you might thinking, “I can’t believe that woman is going to eat all that!”
But the next person walks up to the counter and orders the same thing and you don’t bat an eyelash. You know why that is? Because they are average weight. It’s “okay” for them to enjoy the simple pleasure of a big bag of popcorn and movie. So why can’t I?
When I Say I’m on a Diet
Complying to society, oftentimes a fat person will go on a diet. We can and do still feel protective of ourselves when people bring up our current diet efforts. It’s not something that needs to be recognized. We don’t point out to our average friends that their plates are too full or filled with unhealthy options. We don’t badger them with, “aren’t you on a diet?” questions.
I don’t care how helpful you think you are being, people on a diet – especially fat people, don’t want your suggestions or weight loss advice. This is unsolicited advice that hammers home the DIET that we have grown to hate but feel forced to use to be accepted. So, unless I’m asking you questions or asking for suggestions please keep these moments of “helpful advice” to yourself.
When I say I’m on a diet I am essentially denying myself simple pleasures. I’m limiting my lifestyle to try and become an average weight person and this impacts every part of my happiness. There is no way that we can love ourselves or love that other people love us when all we see is the diet and all we focus on is food.
Why “Diet” Fails Us
Diet has become a negative term because for the people who choose to diet it becomes an obsession; counting calories or fat or carbs, always wondering if they have had enough exercise today, if that extra bite of dinner is going straight to our waistlines. Dieting is not sexy. It’s work and for many of us who are fat, it feels like obligatory work in order to fit in.
If we aren’t average sized then we need to diet or we aren’t a welcome part of society. And that’s wrong. As human beings we need to choose to live and be happy, whatever happiness our bodies provide us. Some of us diet for health reasons or be happier with ourselves and for those people I encourage you to make sure that dieting does not become a crutch. You don’t need to diet to feel good about yourself.
I’ve been perpetually on a diet for the past 15 years. I’ve let it obsess me for awhile and then I abandon the diet to feel good about myself instead. I’m constantly battling with fitting in with society and being myself. I can’t decide which is more important.
And so I diet. I tell myself it is to feel healthier, to live longer and to have more energy- but is that really why I diet? I diet to fit in. I diet to get away from the looks from the mirror and from others. I diet out of embarrassment or shame. I diet because to feel sexy again, I have no choice.