This Just Burns Me Up!

I have this bf who decided to get some lube for me so when we have sex, I wouldn’t be as sore, & if we wanted to go for another round, he wouldn’t have to worry about hurting me. Well, we were talking on instant messenger one time about it & he told me all the women before never had problems being lubed & that he never had a situation where he had to use lube (because I had asked him why he didn’t know much about lube or where to get it). Well… he’s had 80+ sex partners before. That really, really scares me. Is there something wrong with me? I mean, it’s not that I’m not wet down there, I am, it’s just that it dries up really fast on the outside when he pulls out, even if I’m still really horny & still want to go for another round of sex. I really don’t understand it. And I’m worried I have some medical condition since I’m the only one he’s needed lube for out of that many women.

Listen Elyse, there’s nothing wrong with you; you’re fine. It’s your BF who’s got the problem; he’s full of shit. This dude is fuckin with your head and I know exactly why he’s doin it too. Shame on him for shifting the blame to you for his inadequacy, ignorance, inexperience and being so misinformed about the fundamentals of female sexuality. What a jerk! Kick this monkey to the curb, why don’t cha’? Find yourself a man that really knows what he’s doing, not some blowhard braggart.

I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and guess that your BF is about your age. Do correct me if I’m wrong. I’d wager my last dollar that he’s bullshitin’ you big time about his sexual prowess. Unless your BF is a part-time porn star, no guy in his early 20’s has had any where near that many female sex contacts. It just doesn’t happen. I can say this with certainty about your man, because if he was mature enough to have wooed 80+ women into sex he would absolutely know how essential lube is to a successful and mutually satisfying fuck. You are right to be suspicious of him. Any doofus who doesn’t know about lube or even where to get some is a rank amateur and he shouldn’t be let near any sweet pussy till he wises up.

Here’s the 411 on natural female lubrication and personal lubes. And you can bank on this information. First, in terms of natural female lubrication, no two women are exactly alike. There are also numerous variables that will impact on the amount of natural lubrication any one woman will produce at any given time in her life. These include age, over all health, diet, stress levels, use of birth control, hydration, estrogen levels, menopause and environmental chemicals, like the stuff in soaps and detergents, just to name a few. Some women produce loads of natural lubrication, others very little. And I might add, this is not unlike precum production in men. Some guys drip like a leaky faucet, for others precum is virtually nonexistent.

You say you get wet down there. Ok, things are working, as they should. Are you producing enough natural lubrication to make for an effortless fuck? I guess not! Particularly if your lovemaking lasts longer than wham-bam-thank-you ma’am! But here’s the thing, even if you had the wettest pussy in town, you’d still want to have a stash of a nice personal lube handy just in case, or to supplement what your body is already producing.

And here’s a tip: don’t ever leave this kind of intimate decision about what you’re gonna use in the recesses of your body to someone who doesn’t even have a pussy. That’s just dumb. I mean would you let a man pick out the feminine hygiene products you use? I think not!

Be proactive, Elyse! If you’re old enough to fuck, you sure as hell are old enough to be familiar with the intimate workings of your own body. If at 22 you still have questions about natural female lubrication in general and/or your own capacity to produce natural lubrication in particular, then you’ve got some remedial boning up to do. No pun intended!

I am of the mind that every sexually active woman (and man) should be well versed in two very important things. First and foremost, you should know all about contraception, and you and your partner(s) should be practicing at least two methods. Better safe than sorry. Second, you should know the fundamentals about lubes and condoms, particularly if you are mixing the two. Some lubes work great with condoms, some lubes don’t. And you ought to know the difference. Don’t expect your male lovers to be more knowledgeable or prepared than you are. Remember, men can rarely think beyond the tip of their stiff dick.

To the question of personal lubricants, there are dozens and dozens to choose from. There are water-based, silicone-based, oil-based, sugar-free, flavored, warming, arousing and desensitizing lubes, just to name a few. Don’t know the difference? Well darlin’, you have your work cut out for you. I hasten to add, this doesn’t need to be a chore. The interwebs is right there at your fingertips. Search for “personal lubricants” and sit back and marvel at the wealth of free information that is available. Just about every online retailer will have loads of information about all the different kinds of lubes they sell.

Here’s another tip: before spending your hard-earned money on a bottle of one kind of lube or another, why not try a sampler pack. Several online retailers offer numerous variety packs for you to choose from. Why not have a lube party where you and your gal pals, or you and your BF sample all the lubes that come in the assortment. This way you’ll not only be educating yourself, but your friends and/or lovers will be learning right along with you.

Good luck