We’ve all inherited many misconceptions about the erotic, causing so much fear and guilt. Some are based on old taboos; others on unrealistic expectations. They are like demons hovering over us, heckling and harassing us. And they’re not as easy to get rid of as we’d like, especially when you’re not quite sure what they […]
One of the paramitas, which really bridges Buddhism and Kink together smoothly, is a continuous self-conflict for me. Discipline, needed in almost any long-term commitment be it relationships or spirituality, has a general definition that can either be taken one of two ways. During my last training course when there was time for Q&A, I dropped a […]
Last week my three-year-old started nursery school. My ex-husband chose a Catholic school nearby and I agreed that we should enroll her there. I squelched my trepidation and tried to focus on the benefits of a Catholic education. Although we had agreed to raise our daughter Catholic years before she was born, my relationship with […]
A central concept in Taoism is that of p’u, the uncarved block. When a woodcarver looks at such a block, he can see within its simple material the potential to be many things. He can shape it into a knife, a spoon, a spear, a bowl, even a paddle. By his choice, action, and skill […]
I recently had the experience of becoming friends with my fear. Fear can exist in many ways and in Buddhism, it is one of the key beliefs of meditation, and throughout your day, you have to sit with it. Not push it away, not try to block it out, but acknowledge that thoughts exist and […]
Conservative Christians would have you believe that the founder of their faith demanded sexual purity – no nookie before marriage, not much after, and all restricted to heterosexual intercourse. As one talk-show host summed it up: “Sex is so dirty, you should save it for the one you love.” Uh huh. Well, guess what? Jesus […]
As a young boy, discovering the world of sexuality consisted of sneaking off to watch porn and getting misinformation about sex from older kids. Pornography taught me that my sexual experiences should be self-indulgent and emotionally detached. My friends taught me that it’s all about making the girls scream my name. Before I even had […]
Long before we grew up to become the wonderful kinky adults we are now, we had our first run-ins with Someone Telling Us What To Do. There were parents, grandparents, babysitters, and teachers. As we grew older we added coaches, politicians, and bosses. All these people have something in common – to some degree, they […]
Self-love and loving in Buddhism takes on various forms both mentally, emotionally, and physically. Recently Tantra has been a new popular sexual lifestyle which has incorporated not only fulfilling sexual urge but has opened new doors to sexual enlightenment towards others and towards self. Classes, workshops, and retreats have been created around this way of […]
There’s a common conceit in oriental literature called the tale cycle. In a tale cycle, the story ends at the same point, place, or event where it begins. We westerners though, tend to see our lives as a traditional “life story”, with a beginning, middle, and end. But Lao-tzu could tell you that seeing your […]