William Saletan argues on slate.com that BDSM is not a sexual orientation. Dan Savage agrees (Dan would likely want me to clarify that he doesn’t agree with much else that Saletan says on this matter in case you don’t click on the link to Dan’s article). Let’s take a look at this question, shall we? […]
A question arises in BDSM circles from time to time. Should a dominant say please and thank you when interacting with a sub? The title of this column might make you think that please and thank you are for the fakes. Not so! I am not here to say that dominants should avoid saying please […]
“I want to be a dominant! People tell me I should start out as a submissive. Is that right?” Let’s start by taking a look at two reasons why people might suggest this idea. More so in early days of the public and organized BDSM scene, many saw a hierarchy of ranks between dominants and […]
With the holidays coming around the corner, it is the time where people get together to celebrate. In the kink scene, there can be a number of different social gatherings. There is the conference, the workshop, a munch, or a play party are examples. But sometimes it can be more enjoyable to socialize without worrying […]
There was a lesbian couple where one partner was dominant and the other partner was a switch. The switch could not always accommodate the dominant partner’s wants and so they discussed opening their relationship to bring in other submissives who would rank below the switch. And they decided to do just that with submissive men! […]
Accidents happen. One moment you are enjoying yourself and the next you’ve landed a bruise or welt in the wrong spot, somewhere public and you’ve got work the next day. You have a few options, make up a creative but believable excuse, call in sick, or learn how to camouflage and cover up the mistake. […]
In 1994, Pat Califia committed her thoughts on gender, sexuality, censorship, kink, prostitution, safer sex, and leather to print in a book titled Public Sex: The Culture of Radical Sex. As an outspoken, self-identified leather dyke, Califia took on laymen and academics alike for “white-washing” and “sanitizing” sex and its transformative and radical abilities. She […]
Editors Note: This article is about consensual BDSM. The author nor the site condones any time of non-consensual abuse. If someone wants to be beaten and is beaten, are they really being beaten? Of course they are! If someone wants to be tied up and is tied up, are they really being tied up? Of […]
Often those that participate in kink, BDSM, and alternative lifestyles like to think of themselves as social outlaws, people that live and love on the edge. They view themselves as renegades and outsiders, shirking the rule of mainstream society. And, in some ways, I suppose this is true. In comparison to mainstream culture, kink is […]
Sometimes, when I take a moment to look around the dungeon and really take in all the scenes that are happening and the conversations going on, I start to feel as though being kinky has become a competitive sport. When I first entered the kink and BDSM community, it was more of the old guard […]